Movie Review - The Cottage

The Cottage

(2008)

UK Film Council / Isle Of Man Film / Screen Yorkshire / Steel Mill Pictures : Pathe / Screen Gems / Sony Home Entertainment

6.5 / 10

When I watched this upon its original release, I hated it.  Literally, hated it.  Though that could have been because there were better films of the same ilk out at the time.  Now, however, with the influx of bad movies (and not in a good way) this looks as though it should win Oscars.

What you have is a kidnapping gone wrong, this is largely due to the ineptitude of the gang.  The only person who knows how to be rough and violent is David, who is nicely portrayed by Andy Serkis.  Unfortunately, he cannot get like minded people to help so he wrangles his brother Peter, over-acted by Reece Sheersmith (way too much Shouty-Shouty), and Andrew (who is a pathetic sop), played well by Steven O'Donnell.  They kidnap Andrew's step-sister Tracey, played woodenly by Jennifer Ellison, who likes to get violent and has a very blue vocabulary - you actually cheer when she gets taken out.

Things go wrong when the ransom money turns out to be tissues and Andrew is followed to the cottage by contract killers, hired by his dad.  Tracey gets free and takes Peter hostage after beating him to a pulp and stumble through the woods looking for a house with a phone.  This is where they come across a farm... with a cellar... a cellar that has strange noises coming from it...

The comedy comes from the script and the slapstick violence that is wrought upon Peter.  And I did find myself laughing out load.  There are also some nice tense moments when the people are walking through the woods.  And a creepy but funny scene at the local village telephone.

The story, though it differs from other psycho killer slasher movies by having a decent backstory, though overly long, is still directed in the run-of-the-mill fashion for this genre and offers nothing new, though it doesn't detract from the movie.

The main drawback is the characters of Tracey, Peter, and Andrew.  Which, after a short while, start to grind on every nerve I had.  Like I said, you're happy when the killer ends Tracey's constant vocal spew of swear words.  Peter is so high strung to be unbelievable, which is also Andrews problem, you cannot conceive of anybody being so useless.  You wonder how these two actually make it through their lives.

The other drawback is the gaping holes in the plot, which if you think about it are glaringly obvious and will annoy you...  so, leave your brain at the door and don't think - just enjoy!

That said it is funny enough and has enough action and story to make it interesting and keep your attention for at least one viewing.  Who knows, if I watch this again in another eight years time I may have to adjust my opinion of it once again.